Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
