If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
