my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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