she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
