My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
