I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
