she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
