i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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