He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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