i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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