she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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