he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im holly from the hills drunk
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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