We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize