My cat gives me a boner
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize