i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
