they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize