...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize