And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
