He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I FOUND THE LEGS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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