I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
