So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
