I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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