I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
