Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
