The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
