Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
