Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
