How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
