I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
