yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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