I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
