Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
