Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
