super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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