if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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