I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
