dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
then he tried to convert me to islam
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
