2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize