Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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