I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
