My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
