He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
