when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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