It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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