...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She bit a glass in half.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
