Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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