I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
