hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
