I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
