wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
