I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
