Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
