Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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