don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
