evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
