The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
