A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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