Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize