She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
