This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
