i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
