Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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