He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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