The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
