it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
