shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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